By Brad Dunse

(Editor’s Note:  Brad Dunse is a former student of Blindness: Learning in New Dimensions (BLIND).  He is a freelance writer and performing songwriter living in River Falls, Wisconsin.)

Twenty years ago, I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa.  From that day forward, life has been an incredible journey of personal heartbreak, discovery, growth, joy, success, and a host of life learning experiences.  One such continual lesson comes from personal behavior in reaction to events surrounding us, and the conduct of others.  How and why people react the way they do in certain life situations.

Particular to this writing is my reaction to the varying effects we have as blind individuals on the garden variety sighted human.  Why the varied responses to our personal exchange with them out on the street, in the workplace, or grocery store?  What compels one person to physically grab your white cane, attempting to pull it in the direction they'd like you to go, while yet another will carry on a walking conversation without concern a cane is even present?

Why is it one person will awkwardly try to help, leaving you witness to their spilled purses, dropped grocery bags, or crashed shopping carts as pseudo-heroics cause them to trip for the door prior to your reaching for it?  Yet another honestly addresses the elephant in the room, admitting they've never encountered a blind person before, so if help is needed, they'll just rely on you to say so?

Why is it one waitress will ask your dinner mate what it is you want off the menu as if you were an incapable toddler, while another will simply pull a pencil from behind the ear, flip a page back off the notepad, poke the pencil down on the paper, look at you and say, "Okay Hon, what can I get you?"

When I first came to learning about blindness, having much usable vision and carrying a sighted person's perspective, I may not have known or even thought of how I might handle myself in the company of a blind individual.  But without question, I'd treat them with dignity and respect; in the same manner I try to treat anyone.

In this same time frame, I observed tirades from blind individuals as a result of their frustrated reaction to stereotypes and assumptions from people they met on the streets who treated them like helpless dotes.

I remember one incident involving a blind lady I knew who was getting on a city bus.  A fellow passenger offered to help her.  And in this particular case, the individual trying to help was really not that far out of line in my opinion.  More chivalrous than patronizing.  Nonetheless, the blind woman's demeanor horrifically snapped in front of the entire busload of people, really letting the well-intentioned passenger have it good.  That scene was indelibly etched in my mind and caused me a considerable amount of consternation.  Though I was disappointed by the reaction of this woman positioned as mentor, I was not judgmental of her; I was simply trying to understand her response to a well-meaning person.

Of course, over time I learned more about mobility skills and encountering sighted folks who reacted out of ignorance.  Often times these encounters take on a belittling atmosphere of social helplessness, gaining intensity as well as audience the more it is allowed to continue.  I began to understand how shear repetition of having to deal with it could become quite annoying.

The woman on the bus whose temper exploded at the well-meaning passenger reminded me of the very first time I got on an email discussion list as a new information highway passenger.  My very first mass Internet communication and I was excited to try out this new medium.  It was going to be awesome.

Not long after subscribing, a net acquaintance forwarded me a virus warning.  You know — one of the hoaxes out there that some folks are driven to pass along ... just in case.  Well, knowing no better, I passed it straight up to the email list like a helpful, responsible and yes, ignorant person might do.  Within minutes, I was berated in front of the entire list, pretty badly I might add.

I was quite angry, upset and even hurt.  I was only trying to help, just trying to be a responsible person, because seeing someone fall prey to this so called virus when I could avoid it was unthinkable.  My first reaction was to assume "Geez!  People on these email lists are rude, angry and just not very nice people at all.  If that's the way they are going to be, I'll let them to their own misery!”  Of course, over time and many discussion memberships later, I learned how often virus forwards occurred and how it took up people's valuable time.  Such posts become repetitious aggravations, which this person happened to have had just one too many such posts with mine.

After the fact, like the person sending the nasty email, I understood the reason for the blind lady's overreaction on the bus.  Still, I vowed I did not want to give that first impression to someone trying to help.  Even if their help was out of ignorance, just like I was with my virus warning.  Even if it was out of a needless sense of pity or inappropriate sense of superiority, I did not want to just hand over my emotional control to someone by hyper-reacting to their behavior.  Neither did I want to make them feel as I had   with my well-meaning yet ignorant post to the discussion list.

I then began to question and discover why this happens.  Why the differing reactions like the ones mentioned earlier?  Maybe I'm wrong; maybe it is uniquely limited to my experience, or perhaps living these years as a blind person has yet to teach me more in this area.  Or in fact, maybe it is merely a perspective that isn't an absolute, but a generalization that serves my purpose for my own outcomes and education of dealing with such sighted folks.

At any rate, I've come to believe that to others we are not blind people at all.  They really do not see "us" as blind people.  What they do see is "themselves" as a blind person in our encounter with them.  What do I mean?  The reason they react as they do is sort of a dual mirror.  They see a blind person across the street happily tapping along a sidewalk, for instance.  What they also see ten feet directly in front is the stone planter smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk.  However, what they really see is himself or herself as the blind person, based on their own lack of experiential reference and knowledge.  They know without a doubt, if they were that blind person, there would be one heck of a bloody crash.  To avoid their feeling this way, they holler across traffic "Watch out for the planter in front of you!”  As if you could inherently know they were talking to you in the first place.  You see they don't see "us", but they see "themselves" as the blind person in our shoes.

The second mirror is this: Remember the person who grabbed your white cane to direct you while in a walking conversation?  Conversely, do you remember the person in the same situation that didn't give your blindness a second thought?  Think about those two people for a minute.  Was the one grabbing for the cane a weak type of person who is a bit insecure?  A bit unsure in life?  One who   is themselves dependent?  A person a bit undecided in life?  A soul ambling through life directed by situations surrounding them?

Or perhaps the opposite side of the same coin, someone with a know-it-all facade?  Someone with a quiet or bold attitude of superiority?  One appearing to be strong by always being right?  Someone over the top in bold dominancy?  These types are likely over compensating for those same insecurities as those outwardly appearing weak, just in a quite different way.

What then about the person who carried on oblivious to the cane and its meaning as they continued walking and talking with you?  What can we say about them?  Were they a solid silent type?  Someone fairly sure of themselves?  A competent person?  A risk taker perhaps?  Someone who enjoys a challenge?  Perhaps themselves balanced in independency?  A methodically confident person?  My guess is they probably are some combination of these traits.

Respective to the above types, the same can be said for the one tripping over themselves to open a door, and the opposing one who exposed the apparent elephant in the room.  Same goes for the waiter or waitress that asked your friend what you want for dinner, compared to the pencil wielding waitress with the no nonsense attitude.

So what is the usefulness in knowing this?  For me, at least, it is tremendously helpful to understand another person while in conversation or doing daily business.  I am forever reading other people, unfortunately forgetting their name two seconds after we meet, because I'd been reading what they are really about the whole while.  But for me to understand who they are and why they do what they do, is tantamount to helping me react in a way that will empower or positively enable me to utilize the encounter to my emotional or future advantage.  Even if it serves the purpose, I won't lose control, fly off the handle in the moment, or get sarcastic with them.  Even if it simply keeps me on top of the conversation or situation, because I know when I get out of control, invariably fear is present somewhere.

I really have nothing to fear encountering any type of insecure sighted person as a blind individual, and can remain in control through my own security.  As a result, I am free to treat them in a more constructive manner.

So you see, we are really just walking mirrors, which, when others see us, they see themselves based on their own security or insecurity in life.  And the process enables us to see their reflection of themselves, with the advantage of handling the situation to our emotional gain.  We decide for ourselves who really needs the pity or help in the situation, and conduct ourselves accordingly.  It really is a humorous trick on our part, but since they've initiated it with their response to our presence, why not finish it using it to our gain, and truthfully the good of all.