by Steve Decker

(Editors' note: Steve Decker is a frequent, thoughtful contributor to these pages. This simple yet multi-layered story of interaction between a blind dad and his sighted daughter offers much to consider and learn from).

“You’re so amazing!”

We as blind people often hear these words spoken by sighted people who can’t imagine how we do things without relying on vision, and it can be frustrating when people praise us for doing mundane things like reading.

Imagine my surprise, and bewilderment, when my seven-year-old, Serina, started saying this to me. We often read together in the evenings. As a first grader, she sometimes needs my help sounding out words, or knowing what new words mean. She also likes to describe pictures in books, and through my questions, I teach her to notice and describe lots of details she might otherwise overlook. I know she will be well-served by being able to clearly explain things with words.

With this in mind, I asked if she could read some directions for a rowing machine I was trying to assemble, and see if I was positioning the parts in a way that matched the pictures. Of course, I had other ways of accessing the information I needed, but since she’s seven, I wanted her to practice reading, and I reasoned reading the instructions would create some teachable moments.

 She read the instructions very well, as she’s a natural reader who works hard to learn. While she read each step and helped me find the correctly labeled pouch of fasteners for each step, I explained the tools we would use, and how the rowing machine would work when it was assembled. She wanted to try it out when we finished, and I was a little taken aback when she said I was amazing!

Honestly, small kids often think their parents are amazing, and I knew that this phase wouldn’t last forever. It felt pretty good at the time. For some reason, this also just didn’t feel the same as the condescending, back-handed compliment it so often is when it comes from well-meaning adults. I told her I thought she was also amazing, as she’s a smart kid who works hard, and is always curious to learn new things.

Not long after this, my grandmother passed away, and two of my cousins and I were asked to read at her funeral. Afterward my sister told me that while I was up in the front of the church, Serina was getting a little bored. She had never been to a funeral before, let alone any other long ceremonies, due to the pandemic. Once I started to read, she turned to my sister and said “My daddy is amazing!” This was followed a minute later by “You have the most awesome brother!” I promise I did not exchange any gifts, treats, or other things for this praise. Again, it’s hard to reject compliments like that when they’re delivered by an adorable kid, delivered to a sibling who enjoys a bit of good-natured teasing now and then. In this case, I chalked it up to the fact that I have worked a bit in radio, and have taken enough public speaking classes to at least practice and deliver a reading with confidence and clear articulation. I was also wearing my best suit, something the kids almost never see me do, since I work from home and haven’t attended in-person Federation events where formal dress is expected, again because of that darned pandemic. Finally, I was reading braille, and I think we can all agree Braille actually is pretty awesome.

More recently, I was teaching Serina to play Mancala, and she misplaced some of her stones after dumping them haphazardly all over the table to count them. She looked all over the table and couldn’t find them. I started using my hands and quickly found them hiding under the edge of a plate. Again, she said “you’re Amazing” but this time, she added “You’re blind but you can do all kinds of things.”

I stopped and explained that we all have lots of skills and talents, and that there are often many techniques to do things – from finding stones and playing games, to cooking, getting places, and reading. She mentioned that sometimes she closes her eyes to try to do things without looking, just like her mom, sister,  and I do. She said sometimes she finds it harder to do things this way, and I talked about how it does take practice, and that I received a lot of training to help me learn the things I know, just as she learns and grows from her time in school. Serina is learning that blind people are not amazing by observing the many different ways to do simple things. As a result, sometimes she will find nonvisual techniques that she has learned from blind members of her family more useful.

My oldest daughter Kyra has low vision and is often functionally blind. For Easter, my wife set up an egg hunt inside our large house because it was cold and rainy. We had purchased some eggs that “chirp” audibly, thinking we would be hiding them outside, and that it would give Kyra an easier way to participate. It turns out, though, that hiding them inside was even more fun. Some didn’t make noise. Some were placed where they could be found pretty easily with observant eyes or curious hands. We hid others, though, under, behind, or inside furniture, dishes and so forth. Kyra found some eggs that didn’t make noise. Serina and our four-year-old, Malia, found some audible eggs. In fact, each child found almost exactly one third of the eggs, and one wasn’t found by anyone until a day later, when it was stumbled upon by accident. The kids had a blast, ate lots of delicious candy, and learned to rely on all their senses. It was also a great reminder to us as adults that, with a little planning, blind kids can participate equally with sighted peers in fun activities. All in all, I’d say it was amazing!